Posted by: cassymuronaka | June 29, 2009

Princess of Paint

Chandelier in dining room

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that I once was the go-to girlfriend who was called upon by other Singletons to assemble Ikea bookcases and hook up stereos. I do not, as comedian Eddie Izzard would say, possess “techno joy.”

But I did marry someone who does. And slowly and insidiously, as the years have gone by, I have deferred reading any new instruction manuals on just about anything that doesn’t involve beads or medical insurance. It just became so much easier to demand that my husband give me the Reader’s Digest condensed version of all necessary electronic knowledge.

While other women have learned to run Norton Utilities on their home computers, I have slowly let my the technical lobe of my brain rot.

The only home maintenance area where I still reign supreme is in the field of spackle and paint.

The last time I instigated a major painting project was nearly a decade ago. I sanded, sealed, washed, primed and painted every wall of a large, wood-paneled relic that vaguely resembled a Boston barroom. That room still looks like it was painted yesterday.

I am now applying my skills to the living room, dining room, foyer and a big hallway. It has taken me almost two years to take on this project. In July of 2007, I slapped three shades of lavender on parts of various walls of the two primary rooms, to see with which hue I preferred living. Apparently, the answer was all of them, because I’ve never gotten around to choosing one color and finishing off the rest of the rooms.

My lack of action became such an embarrassment that I eventually announced that I might simply place black frames around all of the purple swatches and label them as permanent art installations.

This desperate plan changed in April when my husband and I admitted to each other that we were “tired” of the lavender. We then boldly rationalized our procrastination by further stating that it was a “good thing” that we’d never completed the paint project.

The following month I went around covering up all the lavender with four new shades of a grayed-down Sky Blue. While I am successfully tackling the low-ceilinged dining room, I don’t see myself scaling a scaffold like Old Spiderwoman with a big scraper, as I trying to take all of that hideous 1960s popcorn off the the extremely high ceilings of the foyer and hallway. I’m probably going to be forced to relinquish my crown as Princess of Paint and get someone younger and more agile crawl up those walls.

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